okay, so this is my first time i've actually started a blog. i had one earlier, but it got eaten by alexander the goat. this week was so eventful, i can't stand just letting it rot in my mind. so, here goes..... it was a tuesday night and i was chilling with my mom, dreading the tuition that was coming next. Then she got a call saying that one of my uncles was not doing great in the hospital. You know that feeling that something is lodged in your chest and it's hard to breathe? Well, i had that familiar feeling, similar to the time when my grandfather died. it was so similar.
My mom kept on insisting that he was going to die, well not really insisting, but sort of like a sure feeling that he was going to. I felt like telling her, 'there are such things as miracles you know. how can you be so sure? Don't stop believing, man.' But i just sat there in the car, looking out and keeping quiet. i silently prayed and negotiated with God.
So when we got there, we sneaked through a secret entrance (ok fine it was an entrance that was not in use) which the guards locked up later because it wasn't supposed to be sneakable through. And mom talked to the guard person to let us in instead of having us queue up till we grew white hair on our nails.
"HE'S GOING TO DIE." she said and i was like 'oh there goes again, have some faith!!!'
We rushed up and saw all of our family members there. They all looked as if they had gone for botox and had to keep their faces straight or else they'd crack. It was like all of their souls had escaped to this other land where they could be free but their bodies were stuck here and frozen. The first person we went up to was my cousin, who was the son of the uncle in the hospital. Mom said that he was a tough cookie to be able to take all that. I agreed. If it was me, I'd probably would be crying so hard tears came out of my nails. So... yeah. Oh and then I went into the ward, and I was, well shocked, because the uncle i had seen at every family outing, always the cheery one, the one who loved food and wine, the one who loved playing with my brother and the one who always asked how i was, all that was now lying in the cold ward, next to other patients who all looked like wax figures with their souls elsewhere. the most frightening thing was that he looked just like them. But, i told myself, I would not let my faith in God's healing be wavered by this. So i prayed some more and tried to be happy. Out of curiosity and anxiousness, I wanted to stay later into the night with everybody and my uncle. But, no surprise, the people chided me to go back home and to sleep just cause the next day was a school day. Hey! I've already come all the way here to see my uncle and now you want me to go home and sleep. Do you know how hard that would be? I procrastinated, but I went in the end. So the next day, my eyes were tired and puffy and i felt like i was a zombie. I had to get through the whole day of school with that something still lodged in my heart. (i read somewhere that feelings come from the brain. so should i actually be saying something lodged in my brain?... that makes me sound like a brain damaged person. i'm going with the heart.)
I was constantly thinking of my uncle and worrying about his state............. right until yesterday(saturday) when i heard that he was able to take in liquid food! My believing had finally paid off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i felt so happy I had to stop myself from running around the neighborhood wearing newspaper. So, that's the end of my first awesome encounter, and up till now I still hope--- i mean know that my uncle will be up and kicking sooner than I know it. :)
*fast forward* **zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee* *play* Hi. now for the next encounter. Okay, this one really made my eyes pop. it was thursday that week, and it was during lunch. All 6 of us, me, my besty (lets call her grape) , my other friend(lets call her...... cheese), and another 3 friends, (window, bedsheet and tissue). We were discussing someone's crush and me, cheese and grape didn't know who it was. We begged window, bedsheet and tissue to tell us who she was and window didn't want to cause she didn't want to gossip. (then why the hell are they even talking about her?) so me and grape (without cheese) arranged to meet bedsheet and tissue at the library. (lame much) and we found out who she was. later, after lunch, cheese asked me who she was and I told her. We had this little gush on how they always sat together and then I turned my head and saw grape, my best friend, looking at me like i was a rat or something.
"You TOLD her?!" She said.
"yeah," I calmly said.
"YOU TOLD HER??!!" she repeated.
"yeah."
she looked really pissed off but i still thought she was pretending, just to scare me. I mean, cheese was there during lunch. She wanted to know, and she WAS there, so that meant she deserved to know. But i still thought it was a joke.
"You have such a big mouth!" She said. THAT'S WHEN IT HIT ME. NO ONE. I MEAN NO ONE, HAD EVER EVER EVER CALLED ME A BIG MOUTH. As long as you know me in person, you'd know that I was freaking quiet and shy and I've been trying to up my self esteem and to speak up and she goes ahead and calls me a BIG-MOUTH. (my mouth is indeed very small, once you see me) but anyways, i felt like I was looking at us from a third person view and oh how much i hated both of the people i was looking at. I felt like I was a big fake and I can't describe how much I felt like punching both of us. The airplanes in my heart were soaring for the past few days and now it felt like they'd just given up and decided to crash into each other mid-air. I'm not the type who would talk back, cause that just means I have no self control. Also, not the type who would immediately jump on her and scratch her and pull her hair out. So i just sat there and tried to pay attention to what the teacher was saying. It turned out that we were watching a movie about art on that day. Oh Yibee, now I wouldn't have to look at her. The movie was nice, and the way the artist used his medium was just great. however not so in real life. as i was sitting there, cheese was sitting next to me and grape was sitting away, next to window. (bedsheet and tissue weren't in my class) I felt like pushing cheese away cause she was just making it worse. Now grape would think that I favoured cheese over her just because of a little tiff. To worsen it, cheese kept on asking if i was okay. (honestly, did i look okay to you? i was sitting there like a stone, not wanting to look at anyone or anything except the screen.) So I replied her with the shortest answers possible. During the movie, I was thinking of all the possible reasons to support myself that what i did was right. finally, the excruciating lesson ended and i got up and went outside, walking towards my next classroom. I felt quite okay, cause i wasn't really the type who would mull over stuff. Then grape walked up to me was said, "Why you so good friends with *cheese* now?" She was kinda happy, and seemed to be not as disturbed as i was. So i answered her, saying,"Cause you weren't there"
"Huh?" she said.
She couldn't hear my answer so I changed my answer to "Cause you moved away( she moved away form me during that class)((besides i wasn't good friends with cheese, it was just because she kept talking to me.))
after that she just quickly walked away. I was kinda confused because, before that, the cause of the argument was us not understanding why she thought i was a big mouth and why i told cheese about that guy's crush. Now, it seemed that she thought I kicked her away in exchange for cheese as a best friend (which was so obviously not true)
Kinda happy that i wouldn't have to see either grape or cheese in my art class, I happily walked in only to find out that it was a combined class with grape's class.
CRAP.
This is when i say, "JUST MY LUCK!"
So i was like, okay okayokaay,okaaaaaaaay. just act normal. When I saw her outside her class crying, with her back facing my group of friends. WELL........ i thought, look who's crying now.(i'm so evil.)
Turns out, she got to skip class just cause she didn't want to see me and well, i didn't really mind.
For that art class, we were required to draw the person sitting across us. I was hyped up, cause i liked to do portraits, but all the while I was thinking why everything seemed on playback now. It was so similar to my primary school days, when i had this best friend who would get jealous because i made more friends and stuck up for them. Like one, we were playing Uno after PSLE, and because (lets call her A) A always somehow had skip cards to skip my best friend's turns and somehow it always landed on my turn, she gave her a dirty look and said "A always purposely skips my and xxx's turns so RACHEL can get her turn." and i just stuck up for A and in the end, world war 3 and 4 and 5.
Was i some kind of misfortune magnet?
Well, anyway after that class it was the end of the day and I didn't expect to see grape there waiting for me and for once, I was correct so i headed home. I was walking to the MRT station with J and telling him why grape and I were acting so weird. (sometimes i wish i was a boy so when there are friend problems (which almost never occur) i could just punch him on the shoulder and say "cool?" and my mates would be like "totally, dude.'' and life would be simple. much simpler than this.)
(fast forward to about 8pm that day) I was loitering around my house, when I received an sms from grape. Before i read it, I had already imagined what would happen if i was still in primary school. My best friend would sms me, saying how she didn't understand me and stuff and i'd reply that she was also equally freaking un-understandable and stuff. (i'm really starting to like this blogging thing) So at that time, I had all my comebacks and stuff I wanted to say in my head.
But instead of a heart-breakingly saddeningly irritatingly annoyingly unreasonable message, I got something like this---you left without me today. sigh i'm sorry i was nasty. i'm just going mad. I don't know what to say . sigh. i'm going to blog abt everything later, so check your fb at about 9pm?
*SCREECH............* I put all my battle weapons down and held my breath while reading. Okay, well... uhh.... NO WAR!!!!! and i went to read her blog and yeah, i would still say that i don't really get it why the cause of the argument was cheese instead of the whole me being a bigmouth thing. BUT HEY! who cares? WHOOOOOOO! we're okay! so after reading i sent her a 6 message long sms explaining and she was like --- I LOVE YOU!.......................................................!......!!!....................!!!............ .
phew. so, that was my eventful week.
but i guess it was eventful as much as it was boring, considering that my exams are next week. wait. today is sunday. so my exams are tomorrow.......... ok!:D
seeya:D i'm going to revise till my eyes disintegrate,
Rachel.
